Coarse Hair, Long Hair is now...

Coarse Hair, Long Hair is now...
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My Growth and Setbacks 2003-2010


Reader Mail: Taking Setbacks in Stride?

I got an email from a reader who is currently experiencing a setback.  She noted that I appear to have taken my setbacks in stride.  I want to share my response to her, in the hopes that it will help someone else. 

"To be honest, I never took my setbacks in stride at the time they were happening lol.  Looking back I'm able to have more perspective. But in the midst of it, I obsessed over it, lost sleep, and sometimes cried.  The key is to not let the setback, hold you back from moving forward.  For me, it was more about allowing someone to do something that I KNEW was bad for my hair.  So I was more upset with myself, and felt I let myself down.  The great thing about pictures, is that I'm able to see improvement, so that encourages me and reminds me that I will bounce back.  I also got a lot of encouragement from the ladies on the hair forums.  At the time of my last setback, the ladies on KISS were wonderful and helped me to feel better.

Look at this experience as a lesson.  Now you know that you have to speak up for your hair and don't let anyone break your hair rules.  The great thing about hair is that it will grow back.  I looked at your pictures and your hair still looks great.  Having perspective helps immensely.  It's like that saying "I was sad about not having shoes, until I met someone who had no feet."  Things could always be worse and you know how to make them better."   

I didn't always take my setbacks in stride.  But I did learn from each experience and didn't make the same mistake twice.  This year I cut 7" of hair.  Rewind to two years ago, if I had to cut 7", I would have been devastated.  But now that I'm confident in my ability to bounce back from a setback, I finally can take things in stride.  It's a growing process (pun intended). 


Ms-gg said...

Amen sis!

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kibibi, Thank you so much for this message... it's like you were speaking right to me as I've been going through a similar struggle as your reader (its very disappointing and humbling to have your hair break off so bad that you feel like there's nothing you can do about it). I definitely needed some perspective and really appreciate your words of encouragement. You're an inspiration! Thank you again,,,
From, your coarse hair, soon to be long hair :) sis, Drea

Anonymous said...

I also thank you, while reading this my eyes got misty because at that time I was reaching out to someone,anyone who could understand what I was going through.Deciding to part ways with any length damaged or not is hard for me but something that I know has to be done.The decision period was swift and brief but hard none the less.I honestly dont think that I could have done it without you so here's another great big! THANK YOU!!!!

Diva said...

Girl, I just had a setback this week. Glad I got a hold of this... glad to see my hair buddy's hair doing very well. Gives me hope... I do know if I was able to grow it once, I'm capable of growing it again. I'm planning on wigging it for a while... at least until the next relaxer. Also, I won't be stretching in between relaxers so long either.


MsKibibi said...

Hi Diva! What happened? Sorry to hear about the setback.

MsKibibi said...

I'm so happy that this post was able to help you ladies feel better. Having a setback and not having someone who understands why you're sad can be lonesome. Which is why I always say that its just hair, but its not just about hair. (((Group hug)))

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